whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
