i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
