Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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