My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
