god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
