Betty ford says i'm here all night
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
