I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
