I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
