I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
