looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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