So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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