Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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