Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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