I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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