i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We don't watch enough power rangers
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
