Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
