Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
