We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
