Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
