someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
