Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
