u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
