Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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