You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
