Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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