had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
