the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
