So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
the liver wants what the liver wants
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
