the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
