So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
