so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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