I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
