So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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