I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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