Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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