So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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