im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
