I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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