Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
