I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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