I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
