You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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