I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
