i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
