if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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