So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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