We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
