i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
