So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
