There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
