The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
